My health has generally been in the crapper lately. I have not been feeling "well" for several months and it has finally reached the point of not being able to fake it through the day. In the past I have been able to paste on a smile through the headaches and get through at least my necessary daily chores before I collapsed when Caelan goes to bed. But I can't even manage that anymore and I'm feeling scared about it. I figured that I can let go of my fears by writing them down here and that maybe by saying them 'out loud' these fears can't possibly come true.

I have been put on a very strict diet with Medical Foods and a bunch of supplements. This is an effort based on my doctor's theory that my body has STILL not recovered from the Celiac Disease and is still being malnourished. Supposedly my body is having to feed off of inappropriate resources in order to produce enough white blood cells for survival. To be honest, I don't really understand it all. I am following orders and trusting that this is a step in the right direction toward wellness again.

A big part of what is going on has to do with persistent swollen glands in my neck that have been present for nearly 5 months now along with pain in my throat and difficulty swallowing. In a few days I am going to be having a laryngoscopy done through my nose and they are also planning a biopsy of the lymph node. I am keeping my fingers crossed that these tests will at least give me SOME answers and, if nothing else, put my mind at ease and ascertain that I don't have cancer.

Thats all I have time for now. Hopefully, years from now I'll look back at this post and I won't even remember this bump in the road. It is weighing so heavily on my mind at the moment and I am desperate to imagine a day when I will feel so healthy that I can't recall this feeling.

Today I am thankful for all of the people in my life who care.