Small Stuff

Today I am thankful for tasty health food. This process of only eating whole, unprocessed food is so easy because of the wide variety of good stuff out there in our stores. Hooray for Nature Tyme and Wegman's Nature Market.

My health has generally been in the crapper lately. I have not been feeling "well" for several months and it has finally reached the point of not being able to fake it through the day. In the past I have been able to paste on a smile through the headaches and get through at least my necessary daily chores before I collapsed when Caelan goes to bed. But I can't even manage that anymore and I'm feeling scared about it. I figured that I can let go of my fears by writing them down here and that maybe by saying them 'out loud' these fears can't possibly come true.

I have been put on a very strict diet with Medical Foods and a bunch of supplements. This is an effort based on my doctor's theory that my body has STILL not recovered from the Celiac Disease and is still being malnourished. Supposedly my body is having to feed off of inappropriate resources in order to produce enough white blood cells for survival. To be honest, I don't really understand it all. I am following orders and trusting that this is a step in the right direction toward wellness again.

A big part of what is going on has to do with persistent swollen glands in my neck that have been present for nearly 5 months now along with pain in my throat and difficulty swallowing. In a few days I am going to be having a laryngoscopy done through my nose and they are also planning a biopsy of the lymph node. I am keeping my fingers crossed that these tests will at least give me SOME answers and, if nothing else, put my mind at ease and ascertain that I don't have cancer.

Thats all I have time for now. Hopefully, years from now I'll look back at this post and I won't even remember this bump in the road. It is weighing so heavily on my mind at the moment and I am desperate to imagine a day when I will feel so healthy that I can't recall this feeling.

Today I am thankful for all of the people in my life who care.

Mmmm

Aaah. Today I am thankful for strawberries. The sweet taste of summer. Caelan's cheeks dyed red. The smell of strawberry juice on his skin for the rest of the day. (Somehow this sweet smell sticks with him despite rigorous wash-downs.) I love, love, love you, Strawberries.

Its fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A

Today I am thankful for the YMCA. It sounds silly, I know, but they offer so much and I am thrilled to be a member now. Geoff and I are both trying very hard to be as healthy as we can for you, Caelan, and the Y is helping and making it so easy. They have free and wonderful childcare. They have swimming lessons. They have tons of fitness classes. They have a bitchin' gym. So. Yay for the YMCA!

Today I am thankful for baby sounds. I hope I never forget the unique sound of how you sip through a straw, chew a cheerio or breathe in your sleep. My days are full of those sounds and it is easy to take these precious moments for granted. But after you go to bed and I have 30 seconds to myself I miss you and all of these little Caelanisms. You turned 1 year old yesterday and I am starting to realize just how quickly time is passing and how soon it may be that I will no longer hear these exact baby sounds. They will be replaced by other sounds; sounds of childhood. And I will love those moments equally. But right now I just want to make sure that I don't forget the sweet sounds of your first year. It has come and gone more quickly than I could ever explain or could have ever imagined.