Poor us.

Caelan, when I was growing up your Poppy had a million sayings. One that has been ringing in my head of late is "Money can't buy you happiness, but happiness can't buy shit". (I'm hoping that by the time I allow you to read this, swear words won't come as a shock, even from your mommy.) While the statement may be true, I feel the need to add to it with an old Seinfeld cliche: "Money can't buy you happiness, but happiness can't buy shit... not that there's anything wrong with that". I guess I'm trying to say that we're poor, dear Caelan, and I'm ok with that- for now.

We're not destitute, by any means, or even ACTUALLY poor by the standards of its definition. Clearly, the title of this entry is meant as a joke poking fun at our current situation. We have enough to pay all of our bills, buy food, clothing and other necessities. We just don't have a lot left over to buy that shit that happiness can't buy. Why so happy, then?

I guess because, in reality, we have made the choice to be poor. I CHOSE to quit my job teaching in order to be home with you. I knew that, despite the major financial repercussions, we would ultimately be happier to have me at home taking care of you. The choice was: will Caelan be better off throughout his first year of life with extra money or extra love from his mother? No brainer.

The reality of living with this choice is a little more difficult, of course. We constantly have to turn down invitations for dinners out, etc. but that is fine! Instead we stay in, read together, cook meals together, take walks together and talk. Key word here: together. Not having the extra cash around has given us the opportunity stay put and just BE. It is so easy to let your life fly away and let time escape when you're constantly on the go. Being forced by finances to just sit still and spend time with my loved ones has been the greatest blessing. I love your father more and more with every passing day, especially now that we have the time to appreciate one another and our love for you is outrageous. I thank the Lord that we were given the opportunity to be voluntarily poor and reap the benefits. I am happier with my life than I have ever been.

Let me also note that, while your Poppy's saying up above may sound harsh, I never heard it until late in my teen years. That is to say: as an adult I now know that we were also poor-ish in my youngest years... and I had one of the happiest early childhoods of anyone I know. Looking back at the teeny tiny house that we started off in (which your Poppy built with his own two hands) makes me laugh. I never noticed how small that house was or how often we may have had Spaghetti-o's for dinner. I only remember a childhood rich with laughter, play and a mom and dad who loved us and each other by the boat load. All of that shit that our happiness couldn't buy could have never replaced our time together and time that we were able to share. Thank you, mom and dad, for being poor when I was little. And thank you for becoming rich later in my life and sending me to the best schools that money COULD buy.

Hopefully, my sweet baby, you'll be able to thank us for being poor one day. So far, so good. Our decision to kiss money goodbye has allowed us to hug happiness hello. We don't have much, but we have each other- and guess what? That's plenty for me.