I am writing a disclaimer post today. We are currently on vacation in Asheville, NC visiting with my parents. Next week, we will REALLY be on vacation in Hilton Head, SC and I am determined to go on this trip 100% free from technology. This means no blog entries next week. My bucket list requires at least one entry per week for at least one year but I am adding an addendum that says vacations are the exception. I promise memories and pictures to follow.

Today I am thankful for the beauty and majesty of Appalachia. It is so beautiful here.

I love everything about summer today. I love the sounds of lawn mowers, children screaming in pools and birds singing to each other. I love dogs barking in the distance and the smell of someone else's camp fire. Today, this is what I am thankful for.

Today I am thankful for Caelan's giant blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and smile which melts my heart at least a million times a day.

I am currently torn between trying to fence time and wishing it away. Caelan, you are cuter and funnier that I could ever attempt to put into words. For this reason, I desperately want time to stand still. I never want these days to end. Our mornings are full of adventure, our afternoons are sleepy and lazy and our evenings are full of laughter. It couldn't get any better.

At the same time I find myself DESPERATE for this week and next to end. This is, of course, because next Friday we leave for our highly anticipated trip to North Carolina/ Hilton Head. Ahhhh. I find myself swept away in fantasy about sitting on the beach, sipping frosty drinks and taking endless bike rides around the island.

In an effort to end this time battle, today I am thankful for right now.

Small Stuff

Today I am thankful for tasty health food. This process of only eating whole, unprocessed food is so easy because of the wide variety of good stuff out there in our stores. Hooray for Nature Tyme and Wegman's Nature Market.

My health has generally been in the crapper lately. I have not been feeling "well" for several months and it has finally reached the point of not being able to fake it through the day. In the past I have been able to paste on a smile through the headaches and get through at least my necessary daily chores before I collapsed when Caelan goes to bed. But I can't even manage that anymore and I'm feeling scared about it. I figured that I can let go of my fears by writing them down here and that maybe by saying them 'out loud' these fears can't possibly come true.

I have been put on a very strict diet with Medical Foods and a bunch of supplements. This is an effort based on my doctor's theory that my body has STILL not recovered from the Celiac Disease and is still being malnourished. Supposedly my body is having to feed off of inappropriate resources in order to produce enough white blood cells for survival. To be honest, I don't really understand it all. I am following orders and trusting that this is a step in the right direction toward wellness again.

A big part of what is going on has to do with persistent swollen glands in my neck that have been present for nearly 5 months now along with pain in my throat and difficulty swallowing. In a few days I am going to be having a laryngoscopy done through my nose and they are also planning a biopsy of the lymph node. I am keeping my fingers crossed that these tests will at least give me SOME answers and, if nothing else, put my mind at ease and ascertain that I don't have cancer.

Thats all I have time for now. Hopefully, years from now I'll look back at this post and I won't even remember this bump in the road. It is weighing so heavily on my mind at the moment and I am desperate to imagine a day when I will feel so healthy that I can't recall this feeling.

Today I am thankful for all of the people in my life who care.

Mmmm

Aaah. Today I am thankful for strawberries. The sweet taste of summer. Caelan's cheeks dyed red. The smell of strawberry juice on his skin for the rest of the day. (Somehow this sweet smell sticks with him despite rigorous wash-downs.) I love, love, love you, Strawberries.