Right now I feel hungry. Today I am thankful for plentiful food... enough to spare and wear on our faces.

Today I am thankful for my family. You guys are my whole world and you couldn't make me happier.

I'm officially making an attempt to cross off another item on the list: to maintain a journal or blog well- writing at least weekly. I can't promise an extensive entry every day but my plan is to at least post new pictures and a minimum of one line (every day? I hope...) to say what I am feeling thankful for at the moment. I mentioned in my last entry that I was feeling guilty about not taking the time frequently enough to count my blessings. I am taking this step to change that. I am sick of the world bombarding us with negativity and messages of gloom and doom. I am choosing to be happy, no matter how unhappy some of life's everyday occurrences may feel. The economy sucks. Our savings account sucks. People are losing their jobs.

But today the sun is shining and it is a great day to be alive. The flowers are blooming and the world is still turning. Lets enjoy that and love each other, shall we? I am heading out to do something positive. Caelan and I will go to the chiropractor and take a walk with the sun shining on our faces. Then we'll come home, eat lunch and play all afternoon together. Today, I am thankful for the beauty and renewal of springtime.

The List, at last.

I am feeling guilty tonight. I have been so absorbed by our financial struggles and trying to figure out how we are going to make it through the summer with zero income that I have neglected to pause and appreciate everything that I do have... and in such great abundance. I need to be thankful for every single person in my life and remember that I truly have everything that I could possibly need and much more. I have love in overflowing abundance. I have a roof over my head and food in the cupboard. I have a healthy, happy family and I am living my dream of motherhood with a husband who is willing to support me in every decision that I make. What a fool I am for not taking time out every day to count my blessings.

I have been having major pangs of grief lately. It is approaching the anniversary of a dear friend's death, so maybe that's why. I have lost too many friends too soon in this life. I think of them all daily and miss them terribly. What a shame it is that we rarely appreciate anything until it is gone. When my friend Heather passed away a few months ago I promised to post a Bucket List here. I have avoided doing so because I feel like I will actually be held accountable for accomplishing the goals set forth on said list once I make it public. I'm ready. I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about this and I imagine that I will continue editing and adding to the list as time goes by. For my children who will someday read this: Don't take the list too seriously. If I die tomorrow and nothing on the list has been crossed out, know that you and your father are my greatest points of pride and nothing will ever be more important than how proud I am of nurturing our amazing little family. If I could accomplish most of what I list here as well, then I will die a wife, mother and woman who did a lot of stuff she always wanted to do. That's all. Some things listed are of greater consequence than others and they aren't listed in any particular order. Without further ado, here it is:

The Bucket List.

· Travel 6 continents

Get a brave haircut--- Done!!

· Climb an active volcano

· Visit every capital city in Europe

· Write a book, try to have it published

· Run a full or half marathon

· Maintain a journal or blog WELL, write at least weekly

· Learn sign language

· Learn to play piano

· Take a Mediterranean cruise

· Spend my 25^th wedding anniversary at Disney World

· Learn to juggle

· Grow a vegetable garden

· Master calligraphy

· Make a list of 100 books to read and read them

· Make a list of 100 movies to watch and watch them

· Practice deliberate random acts of kindness weekly for at least a year

· Give blood

· Sleep in a castle

· Be a great mom

· Meditate every day for a least a year

· Practice yoga every day for at least a year

· Spend one whole day reading (books, magazines, whatever)

· Spend one whole day writing

· Become a reiki master

· Love my family, deeply. Make sure that my children understand that love is more important than ANYTHING else.

· Learn another language well enough to hold a conversation

· Handwrite thank-you letters to the people in my life that have had the biggest impact

· Stop sweating the small stuff

· Rescue an animal

· Donate my body to science.

That's all for now, I guess. I love this blog. Its like being your own therapist.

When did March get here?!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it again. It is March and time is flying faster than I can believe. I think I may be dreaming. Real time doesn't pass like this. *sigh*

I made a big decision official yesterday: "poor" for two more years, at least. I had a meeting with the Head of School at Montessori a few weeks ago and toyed with the notion of going to back to teaching full time. I thought that I would be ready but the more thought I put into it and the cuter you become every day, Caelan, the more certain I am that I just can't do it. Your growth, health and development are too important to me and I just can't imagine passing you off to anyone else for 40+ hours a week. My idea of parenting does not include seeing you for only 3 hours a day.

I am thrilled, however, that the Administrators at MSS loved the idea of my working the After School Program for 2 years as a part of my prospective '5 year plan' which I presented to them. That way I will still earn some income and Daddy will get to spend some quality time with you right after school! This plan will allow me to stay home with you all day, work a few hours in the afternoon, and still have energy to try and make you a baby brother or sister! :)

Darn it, you're awake. You have only been asleep for 20 minutes! Your top teeth are trying to come in and are giving you absolute hell. I suppose I have to run...

Oops.

Ok, so I did it again. My entries have been scarce, but so has my spare time. You are a man on the move, Baby Caelan! You are "commando crawling" all over the place and very demanding for assistance with walking. You would like to by-pass crawling all together but I'm forcing you to keep trying. At just under 8 months old, you pulled yourself up to a standing position in your crib the other day ALL BY YOURSELF! I'm going to be in trouble soon; about to find out just how un-baby-proofed our house is. Yikes.

It is early February and the mid-winter blues are just starting to set in. This is usually the time of year when I want to curl up under a blanket and not come out until April. You do look awfully cute in your little snow-suit, though. Worrying about keeping you warm has helped me to forget how cold I am this winter, so that is a nice change! (Normally I avoid going out in the cold at all cost and practically run anywhere I have to go when outside in the winter because I so passionately despise being cold.) We also have a trip scheduled to visit Nana and Poppy in NC in two weeks, so that thought is keeping me warm as well. I'm also getting super excited for our trip to Hilton Head in July and find myself day-dreaming about biking around the Island with you in tow and enjoying the warm salty ocean breeze. *Sigh*

Ok... Nap time is just about over so I better take my last couple of moments here to eat something. One of my goals in the next month or so is to learn how to post video to this, if possible. I think it would be nice for you to be able to *see* all of these milestones that I write about. You are so freaking adorable right now and I can't possibly put it into words. :)

The Holidays are Here

Over a month has passed since my last entry. Ugh. I suck. In my defense, it is the holidays and things have been extremely busy. Caelan, your first Thanksgiving has come and gone since I last wrote. Nana, Poppy, Uncle Dan and Aunt Malena all came up from North Carolina to visit and have Thanksgiving Dinner with us- it was wonderful. To save money, time together and agonizing time washing dishes, we decided to have Thanksgiving at Dibbles Inn. They put out a delicious spread and there were even plenty of options for me and Nana. You, however, did not enjoy yourself too much. You were quite grouchy and tired throughout the entire meal and demanded to be held the entire time we were trying to eat. You have been eating solid baby food for a few weeks now and your curiousity with adult meal time is insatiable. You reach for and grab EVERYTHING in sight and put it into your mouth. This makes eating with you nearly impossible. Daddy and I typically have to take turns eating when we're at restaurants. I have not eaten a single meal in peace for over six months and I do intend to take out my frustration at this when you are a teenager.

In just a few days it will be your first Christmas. We will spend Christmas Day at home in Syracuse with Grammie and Grandpie and then drive to North Carolina to see the Cropper crew the next day. We'll stay there for a week and have a nice long visit. I can't wait.

You are currently cute as can be and bursting at the seams with curiosity. You can now roll over in both directions (and roll, roll, roll like a log if space permits) and can sit up all by yourself. You are very frustrated that you cannot crawl because you often want something out of reach and can't seem to figure out the best way to get at it. You blow our minds with your stength and fine motor skills. Rather than raking and palming objects, you typically are able to pick them right up in a pincer grasp. If I see that you are frustrated at your inability to reach something, I often offer you my hands and you are able to pull yourself right up and (clumsily) walk right to where you want to go. You are a man of few words and rarely grace us with the sound of your voice. (Unless you are crying.) Generally, you are content to sit and take in EVERYTHING happening around you and to test out various toys. The last 6 months have flown by faster than I can explain.

I fear that your nap will be ending soon so I need to take this narrow window of time to steal a shower. I am hoping to receive a laptop computer for Christmas... maybe that will help me to stay on top of my blogging a little better. My former laptop broke several months ago and it will be nice to have one back again. Here are a few pictures from Thanksgiving. The one up top was taken just yesterday.